“I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:22)
I have a friend who was fired from her job less than a year ago. She called me recently and shared with me that even though it has been more than a year since she lost her job, she continues to experience occasional waves of pain and anger. In her case, she had filed a sexual harassment complaint against her boss and was summarily fired after the complaint was investigated. Her boss said her firing had nothing to do with the complaint, although he gave her no reason for her dismissal other than he could no longer trust her.
My friend ultimately hired an attorney and intended to file a lawsuit. However, she decided to drop the suit rather than endure the stress that would be associated with a long drawn-out case that would include interrogatories, depositions, numerous court appearances, attempts to discredit her, and yes, repeated instances where she would have to face her former boss. “I decided it would be best to drop it and move on with my life,” she told me.
The problem is while my friend dropped the litigation in an effort to move on with her life, she has not been able to move past the pain, anger and grief that is associated with the unfairness that life brings our way. “After a year,” she said, “you would think I would be over it.”
Frankly, I am not surprised to hear that she is still dealing with the fallout from this tragic event in her life. In fact, it would be more surprising to learn that she had moved on and let go of the fact that she was deeply hurt by what her former boss did to her.
Similar circumstances are confronted by Christians every day. All of us have things that happen to us in life, which create pain, anger and grief. In most cases, they come unexpectedly and are rarely deserved. How do we handle it? What instruction does God’s Word give to help us cope with such trauma?
It’s important to understand that if we don’t plow through what has happened to us, the seeds of bitterness will eventually sprout and begin to choke out the joy that God intends for us to have in life. In fact, Hebrews 12:15 says that a bitter root will always grow up and cause trouble.
Every Christian knows that Jesus instructed us that forgiveness should have no limits. That’s exactly what the above verse means. But what isn’t clear is that forgiveness is a continuing process. You just don’t forgive and move on. That sore spot will continue to show up again and again. And in such situations, we must remember to forgive again, and again. “I do not say to you up to seven times,” Jesus said, “but up to seventy times seven.”
C.S. Lewis put it this way: “We find that the work of forgiveness has to be done over and over again. We, forgive, we mortify our resentment; a week later some chain of thought carries us back to the original offense and we discover the old resentment blazing away if nothing had been done about it at all. We need to forgive our brother seventy times seven not only for 490 offenses but for one offense.”
Forgiveness is not only a struggle, but it’s a very important struggle. If we truly want to live in communion with God, then we have to learn to forgive as He forgave. The real lesson to be learned is that the struggle to forgive is the struggle to be like Jesus.
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There are several moments in my life where my mind wanders so much, that it digs up old feelings I thought were long gone. In a matter of seconds my thoughts turn extremely negative, and I begin to feel as if I had not forgiven at all. Jesus knows how difficult it is for us to forgive each other. Having the chance and oppurtunity to forgive repeatedly strengthens me. Not right away, but the more I forgive, and the more I love, the more equipped I become for the next huge catastrophe that is coming my way. I have been through many back to back problems that were unfair, and I would be a total wreck right now if I never forgave. God is Good! To be able to continously forgive so that it is not a pass or fail in God’s eyes is a great feeling. He wants us to overcome with Him! God bless those who have hit rock bottom and still believe!
How forgiveness effect our daily walk with Christ.
Received by my spirit (1 Cor 2:14-16 AMP) this message, especially the quote from C.S. Lewis, brought me freedom from the snare (skandalon) of the enemy. Thank you Father.
how does one forgive a husband that raped a child
My ex husband is a paedophile and a adulterer more than 7 times the more I forgave him the more he would offend so how can you forgive seventy seven times?
Forgiveness is a process, but what people often fail to recognize is the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. To the wife of the husband who has raped a child, to the wife of the husband who is a pedophile and adulterer, we are commanded to forgive! But we are not always advised to reconcile. Forgiveness is what needs to take place between you and God, reconciliation is what might or might not need to take place between you and your former husbands! Be encouraged and take the jump to forgive, let God lead you after that to where He wants to take you now and where He wants to take you next! Praying for your journeys! God bless!
Forgiveness brings joy,peace and love.Unforgiveness brings resentment,anger and thougts of revenge.GOD help us to be able to forgive others.
Pleasure to learned about the forgiveness, i am blessed.
Break the word into two “fore give” Fore -first and Give to me it means you give upfront to the perpetrator your heart more like turning the other chick.offended has always the upper hand that is why God trust you with responsibility of offering peace than violence anger or rage
This is wonderful, this is absolutely wonderful.
You can’t…nor can I, but through the power of Jesus’ blood He enables us to forgive. It is the most freeing thing that cannot be described but only experienced. Seek the Lord and you will find Him
Assuming the facts are correctly stated, then the woman has committed a great sin and called it forgiveness. The article states:
“In her case, she had filed a sexual harassment complaint against her boss and was summarily fired after the complaint was investigated. Her boss said her firing had nothing to do with the complaint, although he gave her no reason for her dismissal other than he could no longer trust her.
“My friend ultimately hired an attorney and intended to file a lawsuit. However, she decided to drop the suit rather than endure the stress that would be associated with a long drawn-out case that would include interrogatories, depositions, numerous court appearances, attempts to discredit her, and yes, repeated instances where she would have to face her former boss. “I decided it would be best to drop it and move on with my life,” she told me.”
However, what of the other people this now emboldened predator preys upon. The woman may be “moving on with her life.” Unfortunately at the same time because she found it burdensome, the predator is also moving on with his life.
Freedom is not free. Our justice system, and the relative peace we enjoy because of it requires people to take action so that evil does not triumph. Before someone says “Judge not lest you be judged.” By making a complaint you are not judging, you are however rendering to Caesar that which is Caesar’s. Please remember there will be another victim, please have some concern for the predator’s next target. These serial predators, whether they are rapist or or bullies or thieves depend on people placing their own welfare ahead of that of every other member of society. This is arrogant. This is wrong.
If she is a believer then part of her problem is, or at least should be, guilt. Her failure to do her part will allow the predator to strike again. While the predator may be blind to the evil he is doing–she is not blind to it. She will recognize what she has done when he strikes again.
1 Timothy 1:7 for God gave us a spirit no of fear but of power and Love and Self control.
I believe this always and I a believe that we are called to be warriors for Christ. We are to fight evil from where it stands, sits or walks. We forgive those that accept and embrace our request of forgiveness, which is Christ and that member. That is why God says Vengence is mine (his) and his alone.
Get a serious lawyer that will fight for you and pray about it. Lets say you when you case in court and the lawyer says we are willing to settle for 1 million (and your lawyers fees are 20% to 30% of the settlement). You can take your bosses money or you can stand in front of your boss in the court hearing and say, I just want him to pay my lawyer’s fee and my annual salary that I lost. I forgive him of all other debt and pray that God’s mercy be upon you as it has and is with me. To me that says volumes to him and others present. Plus you must trust God through the court period. You must walk in confidence and courage “NOT IN FEAR.” God did not give you a spirit of fear or backing down from Giants…David did not back down, nor did Noah when he built the ark and people laughed and joked and called him names he pressed on. The bottom line is pray about it, ask God to guide your heart, start the paper work, pray for a lawyer that will fight for your cause, and just before you receive Victory tell your lawyer what your plans are….do not give into worldly thoughts of greed and selfishness and take all the money to teach your boss a lesson, if you allow God to uses you to show Power, Love and Self-Control as it states in 1 Timothy and know that God has a greater plan for you and your old boss as well (Jeremiah 29:11) and you use the victory to GLORIFY God. You will see the blessings of Christ in your life as your old boss will see them in his, he may not right away he may not the next year but that is not up to you it is up to God, because he may do it again to someone else and end up in jail, lose his family, job, home and all of his money, or he may experience a life threatening illness and call you one day to say thank you for showing me Godly Love, I am sick and dieing but I ask you to forgive me for what I have done to you….how would that move your heart and convict you even deeper to stop by the hospital and pray for him and accept his forgiveness and you deeply forgive him how, then look around at his family standing there moved by the love and they too come to know Christ, Oh how powerful, powerful, powerful a God we serve. DO NOT WALK IN FEAR BE THE CHRISTIAN GOD HAS CALLED US ALL TO BE, FIGHT EVIL! FIGHT IN THE SPIRIT and NOT IN THE FLESH. Pray and ask God to guide you every step of the way and he will beleive in his word and stop asking others. Your actions may cause others who were victims like you to stand up and follow you, it may not but you do not know until you step out and trust God and do it for his Glory and not your own, don’t try to fool God, remember he can not be mocked, he knows your heart at all times so pray, pray, pray for the spirit to be the guide in all decisions through your trials and tribulations and keep your faith!!! You will be under attack but pray and have others pray for you as well. Trust in God through all things that come no matter what! I know this trust me…………go forward and serve him, serve the people that need you to stand up and show Godly POWER………..not fear.
My question is, i’m going through a divorce right now and it’s my fault truely is. I cheated on my husband more than once i’m not really sure why? maybe because he was never home always working and i never got any attention. But after leaving him this last time it has been almost 6 months since we’ve been seperated i really want to work things out but he doesn’t. We have a 2 yr old child together and i don’t want him to go through this my parents were divorced and never got along when i was 2 so i kno what he is going to go through. Do you think there is anything i can do to make this work? thx u for reading
Some other thoughts about forgiveness. When Jesus was hanging on the cross after being beaten, slandered, cursed, spat upon, he said, “Father forgive them. They know not what they do.” Can we do no less? Yes it may be difficult to forgive, and it goes against the nature of the flesh. But we can ask Him to help us to forgive. When we forgive it lifts a burden from us and sets us free. If we revisit the offense in our minds, then again we must say. “Lord I choose to forgive. Help me to have a forgiving spirit.”
Also we must learn to forgive ourselves. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins. The enemy is the accuser who always brings them up again after Jesus has already forgiven us.
I believe that when I accepted Jesus as my Savior, He forgave me of my past, current, and future sins. He paid the price for all sins in full. If we follow Christ we must strive not to sin and live holy lives. But as long as we are in this flesh, we will fall short. We must continually listen for the voice of the Good Shepherd. We have the faith that if we start wandering off the narrow way, then He will call us and pull us back onto the right path. We have a God who loves us more than we can fathom.
…Oops… I bumped the “submit comment” button… that right to those whose spouses have had sexual affairs. However, I know God is bigger than ANY mountain we face on earth, or in our marriages. Any marriage can be saved, but I must also disclose that not all will be saved. Both spouses must eventually come to the point where they submit their lives, their mistrust, their anger, their pain… to God, and be willing to work towards reconcilliation (much much prayer, counseling, etc…) My biggest advice for you to do right now, since your husband isn’t on board yet, is 1)pray, pray, pray. Ask God to help you love your husband, help your husband forgive & love you & submit to God, and trust you again; admit to God you are totally dependant on Him to do a miracle in your marriage, & it is nothing you can do apart from Him. 2)recruit as many others to pray for this miracle as you can. Get on online and community church prayer lists too. Get 100s to pray for your situation. You can label it “critical unspoken” if you don’t want to say “Healing for marriage”. I am your 1st recruit! 3)read & do the “Love Dare” book. Some of the dares will nood tweaked if you are separated, but it is a good teaching on loving when your spouse doesn’t love you back. Or see what books your pastor or divorce care leader @ your church or another church recommends for your specific situation. Watch “The Love Dare.” Its good & provides some hope. 4)find a recommended christian counselor who is a woman. Many counselors today take insurance. Mine did, and I didn’t even have a copay! …Other stuff I did: I was depressed. My doctor put me on a low dose of an antidepressant, & it helped so much. Also, I spent so much of my little spare time in God’s Word and surfing the internet for ideas & information on how to save a failing marrage. God bless you. No matter what happens, He loves & adores you, and the closer you come to Him the stronger you will become as a woman, mother & hopefully as your husband’s “new” wife.
I am currently at a discipleship program for men with life controlling issues;i.e. addictions, anger, sexual issues, and lifestyles in gangs. I get to do classes on forgiveness each week and always emphasize that forgiveness is rooted in the Gospel. Until we experience it through the gospel I believe there will be a disconnect in our personal lives with others. If the debt I owe to the Justice of God has been forgiven through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for me personally, the QUESTION is, How can I not extend that to whoever offends me??? It is not easy and it is a process but the more we meditate on the gospel the more we will be motivated to forgive in the gospel. Thank God for the gospel.
so how to forgive? it isnt easy. I know.
last year my [now ex] was arrested & conviceted for possession & distrubution of child porn.
as if this is not nearly bad enough among the items he had was a video if my daughter [who was 19 at the time]in the shower.
now add to this my family who should be supporttive using all this against me. sending the police to queston my children [which had already been done by the ones investigating my ex’s crime]threatening to take my son [12 back then it all started] away.
now a year later and my family is still causing trouble and trying to get my children to turn against me.
earlier this year due to all the stress this issue caused me i lost my job. i have been unemployed for 8months now. yes i get unemployment benifits which i am truly greatful for.
SO while I know I should forgive, and i honestly have tried to do this I am finding it very difficult to do so. I pray about it every night and every morning i wake up with hope that somehow it will all stop.
i have been told by a lawyer that i could file a suit against my family for libel/slander and abuse of process. i dont know if i should do this, but honestly i am sick of the problems that my family have caused or tried to cause over the course of my life. but i tried to ignore them, and that has not worked.
again i do pray about this.
i know that FORGIVENESS is what i need. to find peace.
please help. pray for me and my kids.
one more thing, i feel like it all my troubles come too fast for me to process it and i end up drowning in it and thinking God has made me like slow minded or dumb for a purpose, like he made Pharaoh to show his power, maybe im an example of a goat who thinks he was saved but truly i became a mess. i dont know how to see God, how to picture him or even at what stage i am with him or where i stad.
I have this same struggle although I do know the gospel and forgiveness IS necessary in the Christian walk. I struggle to STAY in forgiveness.
Please pray for me because I want desperately to walk after the Spirit, not the flesh and be pleasing to God every day and every moment of my existence on this earth.
That said, I notice that women in general(I can speak for myself at least)have a more difficult time getting over things and forgiving people.
Don’t get me wrong. There are many women who forgive easily(my mother is one of them) and are very child like. But I think it’s fair to say that probably MOST of us have a more difficult time forgiving than men do.
I don’t know why this is. Maybe our emotional nature and taking offense more easily due to that nature. However, I know that un-forgiveness is not characteristic of Christ. It must be abolished within our very nature.
I remember being 5 years old and not understanding why so many kids my age and adults were so mean to me. It hurt my feelings but I always forgave them instantly. Forgiveness was second nature then.
I wish it were still that easy. God’s commandment to love is not grievous within itself, but FOLLOWING it certainly can be. I guess it’s just the struggle between soul and spirit.