“Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His.” (Malachi 2:15)
My wife has a friend who was victimized by an adulterous relationship that broke up his marriage. He didn’t have a clue that his wife was running out on him and even though it’s been years since his marriage ended in divorce, he still hasn’t recovered from the trauma that being caught on the losing end of a love triangle brought with it. In fact, he recently told her that he has yet to muster the courage to strike up a conversation with another woman, much less pursue any serious relationship.
He’s not alone. Fifty percent of all marriages today end in divorce, many of them due to adulterous relationships. Unfortunately, Christian marriages that end in divorce pretty much parallel the rest of society. But our relationship with Jesus should a difference. What’s going on?
For one thing, divorce has become far too easy. If it were harder to get divorced than it is to stay married, the numbers wouldn’t be nearly as dismal. But courts today treat divorce like it’s some kind of contract. They don’t view marriage as a covenant relationship between two people and God like they did in the old days. They’ve long since lowered the standard, which has ignited a growing indifference to the whole institution of marriage. That indifference is not only reflected by escalating divorce rates, but also in the 700% increase in the number of couples who reject marital commitment and simply live together.
Just what does a covenant marriage mean? Proverbs 2:17 tell us that marriage is a “covenant of God,” which connotes a special relationship where two people are joined together in a life-long relationship witnessed and blessed by God. A covenant marriage embraces the notion that there’s another kind of love triangle at work, one that involves husband, wife, and the Lord Jesus Christ, all working together. One where there are no losers.
It’s this love triangle that, I believe, provides the answer to many of the marital ills that plague us today. I know from my own life that the closer my wife and I are to Jesus as a couple, the stronger our marriage. Move away from Jesus, and the marriage relationship will always weaken.
That’s why there’s a move afoot in dozens of states to give couples the opportunity to enter into a covenant marriage. Louisiana’s covenant marriage law has drawn attention from across the country. It allows Louisianans the opportunity to make the choice between a covenant marriage, which is harder to get into and harder to get out of, or a standard marriage governed by no-fault divorce laws.
Louisiana State Representative Tony Perkins said of the new law, “The simple act of having a discussion and making a choice about their commitment to each other will have a dynamic effect upon their present and future relationship, whether they choose a covenant marriage, a standard marriage or choose not to get married at all.”
Before a couple can choose the covenant marriage, they must first attend premarital counseling, provided by the private sector or church community – at no cost to the state, disclose anything that could adversely the decision of his or her future mate to enter into a marriage, state their understanding that a covenant marriage is for life, and agree to obtain marital counseling if they encounter trouble during the course of the marriage. More adequately equipped to go into marriage and bound by their own decision to work through problems if and when they arise, the couple is committed to, and prepared for, the bumpy road that waits ahead.
The option of divorce is not eliminated for those who choose a covenant marriage. However, the grounds for it are narrowly defined. In other words, it’s a lot harder to get out of it than it was to get into it. Adultery, a felony conviction requiring imprisonment, abandonment for a period of one year, physical or sexual abuse, separation for up to two years, one year if there’s a legal separation, are the only “outs”.
Hopefully, Georgia will soon follow the lead of Louisiana and re-institute the whole notion of covenant marriage. I can hear the critics now, but I like what Representative Perkins had to say to his critics: “There is absolutely nothing intrusive about offering an alternative, accompanied by preparation and reinforcement, to a generation seeking what many of them did not have as children – the security of a home and future. The first step to changing our culture from one of divorce to a culture of marriage is to encourage and support couples’ strong commitment to marriage and to enhance society’s view of marriage through public policy that reflects the uniqueness and significance of the institution of marriage. Without such an effort, we will continue to see the family, which is the cornerstone of our society, crumble, leading ultimately to the collapse of our nation.”
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